


Becoming Dokugakuji

by chibi_zoe



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, M/M, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 00:53:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2409143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_zoe/pseuds/chibi_zoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The YESS Rasetsunyo cruises through space on an endless patrol against the ancient enemy Centipedes.  Her crew consist of Captain Kougaiji, Lieutenant Dokugakuji, Lieutenant Yaone and Ensign Lirin.  Their task is simple, locate Centipede infestations and report back to the Empire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Becoming Dokugakuji

**Prologue – Epsilon Sector, March 2205**

Dokugakuji stands as still as possible and tries not to think about the way his blood is slowly dripping down his side. His stomach rumbles, reminding him that it has been hours since his power suit’s life support system had stopped providing him with nutrients. He wonders, with a smothered bout of hysterics, if his enemies can hear it and if they’ll understand that it means he’s getting weaker.

“Lieutenant Dokugakuji, report.” The words are faint, filled with static, but achingly familiar. He wishes that he could see the concerned face he knows Kougaiji is sporting. His captain worries about all of the men and women under his command frequently.

“Doing just fine Captain.” He reports back, his words wavering with pain; he hopes the static goes both ways and hides his pain from his commanding officer. “Got them bailed up against the cliff.” Technically he’s correct, the enemy Centipedes do have their backs against the cliff, but it’s hollow and they’re boiling out of it in their hundreds and Dokugakuji is only one man. His power suit is sporting rips, tears and blunt force impact sites, his life support system is offline, his guns are out of bullets and he’s pretty sure that he’s bleeding in a dozen different places. 

He’s using a ragged piece of metal as a knife or sword to defend himself as he retreats carefully back towards the ship, thankfully his power suit still has enough juice left to enable him to lift it and swing it around or he would have been toast long ago. He surges forwards suddenly and lops the head off the nearest Centipede that was clearly readying itself to attack and the others fall back for a few moments to regroup. Dokugakuji uses their momentary hesitation to make a run for a nearby fall of boulders. 

He nearly makes it.

**Zeta Sector, September 2224**

Rasetsunyo glided effortlessly through Zeta Sector, her crew carefully packed away in cryo-sleep and her systems shut down to minimal levels except for the scanners which are, as always, on full alert. Zeta Sector hadn’t had any reported Centipede incursions, which is why they’re cruising through it in a grid pattern patrol. They’ve been out here for almost 20 years, ever since the disastrous encounter in Epsilon Sector that had resulted in Dokugakuji’s serious injury.

His spinal cord was severed and he’d lost most of both legs below the knees. Her medical bay and staff were good, but not that good. His condition is stable however and he’s been in cryo-sleep since the accident, hopefully blissfully ignorant of the extent of his injuries. Kougaiji had been shattered to learn that his life-long protector and companion was so seriously hurt. Rasetsunyo would do anything to keep Kougaiji happy, he was like the son she could never have. 

Consequently, during the many hours since that day, Rasetsunyo has been researching, putting her vast computing power towards finding a solution that will suit Lieutenant Dokugakuji and also keep Captain Kougaiji happy. She has access to the accumulated knowledge of the entire Youkai Empire, and all their allies, but it still takes time to trawl through it all and pick out the information that she requires. 

It takes yet more time once she has the knowledge to put it into practice. 

** -- ** --

Dokugakuji wakes up, feeling more groggy than usual after deep cryo-sleep. His limbs also feel heavy in a way that he’s not used to. The cryo-pod doors slide open with a quite hiss and he takes his first wobbly step out onto the deck. The sound is distinctly metal on metal. He looks down in shock and bites back a curse at the sight of shiny silver prosthetic legs.

“How do you feel Lieutenant Dokugakuji?” Rasetsunyo’s voice asks in his ear. 

“Like I’ve been run over by a hoard of Centipedes.” He replies, somewhat testily, as his mind brings up data that has obviously been added to his subconscious during his cryo-sleep. He _knows_ exactly how much time has passed, what technological improvements to the weaponry systems have been made and the details of every major clash between the Youkai Empire and the Centipede Federation. His head hurts with the data overload.

He takes an unsteady step forward and Rasetsunyo mutters in his ear about nerve damage, centre of balance and the general idiocy of the robots that she herself personally programs to do the manual work she is incapable of. He smiles weakly at her familiar antics as he uses the table to steady himself. 

“Captain Kougaiji?” He asks, tilting his head slightly towards the ceiling, an old habit that he has been unable to break even knowing that Rasetsunyo _is_ the ship and as such is all around him at all times and everywhere he goes. 

“The rest of the crew is still asleep Lieutenant Dokugakuji. I thought that you might like some time to get used to your new limbs.” Rasetsunyo is nothing if not thoughtful and Dokugakuji thanks her profusely before heading to the gym to start working out the kinks immediately.

** -- ** --

**Zeta Sector, March 2225**

Captain Kougaiji awakens slowly feeling well rested and ready to face the world. His mind brims with new information and he feels ready to take on the world. Stepping lightly out of his cryo-pod, he turns to help Ensign Lirin and Lieutenant Yaone out of their pods. His sisters’ both have thoughtful looks on their faces, no doubt running over the new information in their minds as he himself is doing. Dokugakuji’s pod is empty and Kougaiji feels his heart contract painfully as the memories surface. He _knows_ that Dokugakuji is fine, but it’s hard to believe without the man himself there. 

Stepping out into the corridor, Kougaiji’s eyes immediately flit to where Dokugakuji is stepping out of the mess hall with a tray of steaming hot coffees. His ship suit is pristine and there are no signs of the prosthetics that Kougaiji knows he has been fitted with. His movements are smooth, natural looking and reassuring. Together, they head towards the slightly musty-smelling Bridge.

It is 20 years to the day since the ill-fated encounter in Epsilon Sector and the Empire’s media are running various anniversary articles. Kougaiji gives interviews to half a dozen different journalists, sometimes with his crew and sometimes alone. They’re painful memories and still very fresh in his mind.

“Captain Kougaiji?” One aspiring young woman asks, “I understand that you’ve been in cryo-sleep since the battle.” Her shirt is glowing blue-green and her pink-purple-red hair has been styled to look as if it’s floating in zero-g. 

“Yes, that is correct.” He affirms, his eyes glancing to his info-feed to read her name. It’s a series of strange characters that he cannot interpret and doesn’t know how to pronounce. Obviously Maman didn’t think that strange modern names should be part of the important information that was transferred subliminally during cryo-sleep.

“So all these stories that our children learn about in school feel like they just happened to you?” She must be a school teacher Kougaiji thinks, or perhaps a film maker who does educational or historical pieces. Kougaiji nods his head wordlessly in agreement.

“It feels like it was just last week.” He smiles gently at her and her cheeks flush pink. “Don’t worry though, I know that for you it’s been two decades.” He smiles again and the woman flushes all the way to the tips of her pointed ears. She stumbles over her next few questions before hitting her stride and she continues to blush every time he smiles at her. That interview is the highlight of his day.

** -- ** --

Lieutenant Yaone sits in the mess hall with her fellow Lieutenant. Dokugakuji looks very good for man who was almost shredded. His prosthetic limbs look almost completely natural and he seems very comfortable with them. He looks older though, so presumably he has been awake for a lot longer than they have, getting used to his artificial arm and legs, ironing out the kinks and working with Rasetsunyo to fine tune the mechanics and programming.

She grasps his real hand in hers and squeezes it firmly, letting him know wordlessly that she is there for him. Her mind is brimming with the latest information in mental health and injury rehabilitation thanks to Rasetsunyo, and she makes full use of it until Lirin comes bouncing in, still hot and sweaty from her gym session but feeling much better for it. 

The three of them share a companionable lunch before heading back to the Bridge. In all honesty they don’t need a Bridge crew, Rasetsunyo is more than capable of dealing with anything that arises, and obviously does so when they’re all deep in cryo-sleep, but it gives them something to do whilst they’re awake and stops them from becoming bored. 

They take their seats and start scanning their data feeds. Yaone looks through the life support systems, the food and medical inventories and the status of all the cryo-pods. To her left Lirin is looking into their communications and navigation data, to her right Dokugakuji is running a thorough inspection of their shield defences and artillery. She has no doubt that he’s already up on to speed on everything and has been for what is possibly years, but she appreciates him going through their standard routine together. Everything is as it should be, which is doesn’t surprise anyone, and they quickly finish their various checks. 

Kougaiji then strides in with a big smile on face, his tattoos practically glowing with inner energy. He takes his seat with a flamboyant motion that makes Lirin giggle. “Maman,” he says in a happy voice, “set us course for Epsilon Prime.”

“Setting course for Epsilon Prime.” Rasetsunyo replies as Lirin squeals in happiness. Epsilon Prime is the main command centre for the entire sector and the largest command centre outside of HQ, it’s also where Lirin and Kougaiji were born, the place they call ‘home’. 

**Epsilon Sector, Epsilon Prime, July 2230**

The refit is complete at last and Kougaiji is more than happy with the results. Maman seems happy too, filling his ears and mind with observations and exclamations. The synapse connections between her brain and the sensors in the ship are all in perfect working order and her engine is both bigger and better than ever. The smell of new plastic and fresh paint is strong everywhere, a new-ship smell that Kougaiji breathes in happily as he inspects his new demesne. 

They have orders, direct from the Emperor, to head out to Eta Sector where reports of minor Centipede incursions have been filtering in for the last couple of years. Their job is to scout the region and report back if military might is required. They have a full company of spacers, two platoons each of surface to land specialists and ship to ship specialists, all carefully snugged away in cryo-pods until they’re required to do their duty. 

Kougaiji and his officers will be going into cryo-sleep themselves a month after they launch, after they become familiar with the new ship layout and updated systems outside of the training rooms. Kougaiji is quite looking forward to this new assignment, there’s the possibility that they’ll actually be awake for some of it. 

**Eta Sector, Stray Moon, August 2234**

Dokugakuji’s breath is rasping in his throat and he’s surrounded by dead Centipedes. This is their fourth encounter in the last two years, each one small and seemingly pointless. It’s like their enemies are testing them, drawing them closer and closer, ready to spring the trap closed around them. It makes him nervous.

His power suit is new and has been customised to fit his prosthetics; the neural links make the thing easier to manoeuvre in and give him more feedback than the old model. His pulse laser is more effective against the Centipedes than his old projectile rifle and with its tiny pulse generator, it can’t run out of ammunition. 

His platoon is down a few men, as they always are after an encounter, but none of the survivors appears to be badly injured. He confirms this with the squad leaders and they take a few minutes to remember the dead men, then they head out towards their rendezvous point at the edge of the massive crater which takes up nearly an eighth of this tiny, planet-less, moon. 

“Lieutenant Dokugakuji, report.” Captain Kougaiji says as soon as he’s within sight, they could’ve talked over the comms, but they have both always preferred being able to see the other when they talk.

“Mission objective completed Captain.” Dokugakuji says, straightening up and clicking his heels together. “We lost Private Li and Private Yin but there are no other injuries to report.” It’s hard to tell with the full combat helmet of his commanding officers’ power suit, but Dokugakuji thinks that perhaps Kougaiji is happy that there are no injuries, even if he knows for certain that he will be morning the casualties. 

“We’re heading out in 20mins Lieutenant.” Is all that Kougaiji says however and Dokugakuji nods in acknowledgement. He relays the order to his men and they all check their life support systems and weapons in preparation. 

The march down into the crater is long, boring and not particularly arduous. The Centipedes clearly know that they’re coming, even if they’re nowhere in sight. Dokugakuji’s spine tingles with every step. He really doesn’t like this.

The attack, when it comes, is a major assault. If they’d had any inkling that this many enemy were hiding beneath the moon’s surface, they would’ve called in the big guns. As it is, they’re quickly overwhelmed and forced into a long, slow, costly retreat. Dokugakuji is at Kougaiji’s side, where he belongs, keeping the Captain safe. He takes a lot of damage, but none of it is critical. What’s important is that very little or no damage is inflicted on his commander. 

Lirin has the shuttle ready at the edge of the crater, all they have to do is get to it and she’ll get them out of there. He can hear over the comms that HQ has already been contacted and that they’re redirecting their fast-response teams now. It will still be weeks before they arrive though, so they have to get themselves out of this mess and back to their ship themselves. 

Dokugakuji screams as two centipedes attack his right leg at the same time and succeed in tearing through the back of the knee joint and severing the electrical cable that allows him to ‘feel’ the limb as if it were his own. He goes down in a cloud of dust and hydraulic fluid. There’s the sound of vicious fighting above him but he is helpless to assist. Eventually he’s hauled to his feet pushed towards their exit point, his damaged leg dragging and feeling completely numb. Two of his own soldiers lie dead before him and he acknowledges their sacrifice, praying that it won’t be in van. 

They’re finally at the shuttle and chivvying the last of the surviving men aboard when the Centipedes launch one last final, vicious, attack. Dokugakuji is in the thick of it, shooting with deadly accuracy until he’s overwhelmed. He takes down as many as he can though, before he goes down. His last thought is of Kougaiji.

**Eta Sector, April 2245**

Dokugakuji wakes up feeling decidedly odd. He can’t quite put his finger on the problem until he sees himself in the mirror. He raises shiny metal fingers to his shiny metal face.

“Rasetsunyo?” He queries, his voice both faint and artificial. 

“How do you feel Lieutenant Dokugakuji?” She says, her melodious voice just as artificial as his own. He is aware of her now, in ways that he wasn’t before, knows that she really _is_ the ship, not just an AI controlling the ships’ programs.

Thinking about her question though, he does an internal scan in his head and is startled at what he finds. He has no heartbeat, he isn’t breathing and his mind appears to be electrical in nature.

“What am I?” He asks dumbfounded. 

“Your body didn’t make it,” she begins, “but I was able to save your mind and install it in this purpose-built robot.” He doesn’t feel a rush of adrenaline, or shock, or any other chemical-controlled response because he lacks the organs that produce them. He feels calm and in control. “We can customise how you look Lieutenant Dokugakuji, I have researched skin analogues and hair implants so that you can either looks exactly as you did before, or you can try something a bit different.”

Dokugakuji has no idea what ‘a bit different’ means to an interstellar space ship and he’s not sure that he’s really got the balls to find out. “I want to look like myself.” 

**Eta Sector, May 2246**

Kougaiji awakens to find Lieutenant Dokugakuji looming over him. Something is different about his Lieutenant but he can’t quite pinpoint what. Perhaps it’s the way he’s styled his short dark hair?

“Yes Lieutenant?” He queries as he steps into the room, forcing Dokugakuji back several paces, the plush carpets muffling their footsteps.

“General Koushu just contacted us Captain.” Kougaiji looks up in shock, General Koushu is Lirin’s biological mother and an incredibly ambitious woman; if she’s contacting them directly the situation must be dire. “The Centipedes have made an alliance with the Humans.” 

“That’s not good.” He says simply, his mind already darting this way and that as he considers all of the possible outcomes and consequences of such an alliance. “I’ll get in touch with the General immediately and find out what they want us to do. Please wake Lieutenant Yaone and Ensign Lirin, inform them of the situation and then you should all join me on the Bridge.” 

**Theta Sector, July 2246**

The Centipede-Human alliance seems to be one based on fear. The Centipedes could easily wipe out the Human population on several worlds, but the Human’s also share several worlds with the Youkai and it seems this is where the Centipedes have focused. Their incursions are fast and furious and it takes the combined might of the Youkai Empire to force them back off the planets and moons in question. 

A lot of Human’s die as well, but to the Empire they are merely collateral damage, more numerous than the stars, able to survive almost anything and still continue to multiply. A lot like the Centipedes really, but far more pleasant and interesting in person. 

Captain Kougaiji offers peace to all Human’s they encounter, against direct orders, and for his actions they are exiled to the outskirts of the battlefields, left to rot in endless patrols. His crew stands by him though, they understand that all actions have consequences, whether in this life or the next. 

**Iota Sector, September 2405**

Rasetsunyo cruises through empty space on yet another mindless patrol. There haven’t been Centipedes in this sector in nearly a hundred and thirty years. Her mind has been churning recently. Dokugakuji is clearly failing. She doesn’t know if it’s due to the materials his body is made out of or something to do with his mind, but he is clearly degenerating and she is powerless to stop it. 

He has been awake continuously since 2245, only shutting down for maintenance on his power source. They converse during the long hours, play strategy games and reminisce about situations they’ve found themselves in over the centuries that they’ve known each other. 

Rasetsunyo has never felt better, but Dokugakuji appears to need an organic body, not a mechanical one, to function properly as himself. She doesn’t understand this in the slightest. A mechanical body is a wonderful thing, powerful and huge and providing shelter to many. She directs her vast computing power to investigating biological analogues, but is unhappy with the results. Her initial trials don’t go well either, being either too simplistic for her purposes or impossibly complicated with endless system errors. 

There has got to be a solution though, she just needs to find it before Dokugakuji fails completely.

**Kappa Sector, February 2406**

Jien sobs quietly to himself as he slips into his stolen space pod, his bare feet cold and mostly numb. Mother is dead and Gojyo is lost to the Human’s, and all because of him. He straps himself in tightly, his guilt a hot ball of bile in his stomach, and presses the huge red launch button. His notices that his fingertips are still stained red with blood and he scrubs them violently on his shirt to try and clean them.

He can still see Gojyo’s horrified eyes as Mothers’ blood dripped down onto him, the scratches on his face standing out starkly against his paleness. Jien had reached down to push Gojyo’s soft red hair out of his face and his brother had flinched away. He’d thrown up then, falling to his knees and retching violently whilst Gojyo had scrabbled away. His last sight of his brother had been of him accepting the hand of a Human, turning his back, and walking away. 

He stifles another sob as the g-forces press him back firmly into the body conforming seat as he achieves lift off. His whole life dwindles below him as he’s launched up into the endless expanse of space. He doesn’t know how to set the navigation system, so he just does his best, then he guns the thrusters for a few minutes to gain momentum then shuts them off. He slowly goes through the steps displayed on the tiny screen to turn on the life support systems, and hopes for the best. 

Anything is better than the nothing he has now.

**Iota Sector, June 2409**

Rasetsunyo sharpens her attention when one of her sensors goes off. ‘Looking’ in that direction, she finds a strange anomaly, a tiny escape pod hurtling through space with no signals and no identification. She ‘watches’ it come closer and closer and then an idea occurs to her. Why build a biological alternative for Dokugakuji when she can just reverse the process she’d used to retrieve his memories and personality from his original body, and download them into a whole new body? She wonders why she’d never thought of that before. 

She hails the ship as part of her standard operating procedures, she uses Youkai, Human and Centipede signals and call signs and none of them are answered. With her hopes plummeting, she deploys her tractor beams, catches the pod and moves it towards the secured storage bay at the rear of the ship, the one that can be detached from her main body should this turn out to be a trap. Then she sends in a team of small robots to investigate.

What she finds buoys her new-found hopes. A dark haired Youkai man, clearly in some sort of trouble if his usage of the escape pod was any indication, young and physically strong. It is extremely exciting. She keeps him deep in cryo-sleep as she tries to work out how to switch him off and turn him into Dokugakuji. 

**Iota Sector, December 2412**

Jien wakes up and blinks in confusion. He’s standing up, but leaning backwards slightly, supported by a comfortable depth of body-contoured padding. He feels wonderfully rested. Ahead of him, about arm’s length away he can see a bland, beige wall. He steps forwards and his bare fee touch something soft and inviting. Looking down he can see his toes buried in a rug made out of some kind of grey fur – he doesn’t recognise any kind of animal that the fur might have come from and decides that it’s probably synthetic. 

There’s a folded pile of cloth sitting on a small ledge to his right and he picks it up, noticing for the first time that he is completely naked. The garment is a two piece suit, in white, with red markings on it that mean nothing to him. He pulls it on anyway, given the lack of anything else better to wear, fumbling with the unfamiliar fasteners. There are little soft-soled shoes built into the bottom of the legs and gloves that are separate, but connected to the sleeves via a stretchy cord. It smells clean and fresh and it warms him up considerably. 

Fully dressed he turns to face a mirror, which rather disturbingly he hadn’t noticed was there earlier. He looks odd, not at all like himself, and yet also familiar in a way that he can’t quite put his finger on – like he’d seen someone dressed like this once before, possibly when he was a child. His mouth feels dry and his brain itches as he scrabbles for the memory.

The door opens automatically and he jumps in fright.

Moving cautiously to the open doorway, he looks back at the room behind him one last time, taking in the silver cylinder set back into the wall that he clearly came out of, the empty shelf and the odd silvery thing in the wall that he doesn’t recognise. He has no idea where he is or how he came to be here. The last thing he can remember is the dwindling sight of his planet as he blasted into space. 

He steps out of the room and looks both left and right, a carpeted hallway leads in both directions, brightly lit and inviting. Without knowing why, he turns left; it just feels right. 

“Hello Dokugakuji.” The voice is soft, melodious, and female. Jien doesn’t recognise either it or the name that it calls. Despite this however, he turns to face the door that just opened and meets the eyes of the beautiful woman standing there. 

“Lieutenant Yaone.” His mouth answers, without his being aware that he was even going to speak.

He’s never seen her before, yet he knows, somehow, deep in his mind, that her name is Yaone, that she’s a Lieutenant in the Youkai Space Corps and also a medical doctor, a doctor of biology and a life support systems specialist. She was rescued from an abusive family and formally adopted by Kougaiji as his sister. She is stunningly beautiful in her form-fitting purple ship suit, but he feels no spark of arousal, just a quiet sense of familiarity. 

“Are you alright Lieutenant?” She says, moving forwards to lay a hand lightly on his chest. Her eyes are interested as they stare up into his. “Your heart is beating.” She says, like this is unusual. 

“Dokugakuji?” A younger voice says, before he has time to formulate an answer and he turns to face another beautiful woman, this one obviously younger. His mind spits up the information that she is Ensign Lirin, Kougaiji’s younger sister and a communications expert. Her white ship suit shows off a physique that is almost more aggressively feminine than Yaone’s. His heart doesn’t skip a beat, but a soft smile does twitch at his lips.

“Lirin.” He says, not knowing he was going to. “How did you sleep?” She grins happily up at him and starts talking a mile a minute about all the wonderful things she learned whilst sleeping. None of it makes any sense to him, yet it all seems so familiar as well, as if there’s something just out of reach of his memory.

“Dokugakuji?” A male voice interrupts the girlish chatter that Lirin is directing at him and she pauses. Jien turns to face the new voice and his heart stutters in his chest. The man is tall, but not as tall as Jien, and well built, if still slighter than Jien himself is, but his piercing eyes and deep red hair bear a striking resemblance to Gojyo. Tears prick his eyes and he blinks quickly to clear them.

“Kougaiji.” He says, his voice raspy. The name brings with it a wealth of knowledge. Captain Kougaiji is the commander of the YESS Rasetsunyo, a ship controlled by a living mind that is hardwired into it. Captain Kougaiji calls that living mind Maman in honour of his own lost mother who bore the same name. He is also a son of the Emperor, a skilled pilot and navigator who just so happens to be one of the Empires’ foremost experts on neural-link weapons systems. He’s also devastatingly handsome and Jien nearly squeaks when he’s enfolded in a rough, but very thorough, hug.

“It’s good to have you back again Dokugakuji.” The words are whispered into his ear and Jien feels his chest tighten. He should say something, tell them that he’s not this Dokugakuji that they think he is, but he can’t spit the words out. Kougaiji steps back and claps him firmly on the shoulder.

“Let’s get something to eat and then head to the Bridge.” He says and the ladies agree, turning to lead the way to what turns out to be a small dining room. The thick soup that is dispensed from the machine in the centre of the wall is good, better than Jien expected, and he swallows it down quickly, a habit learned growing up with an unstable mother and an accident prone little brother. Yaone cocks an eyebrow at him but doesn’t say anything, merely makes a hand gesture that Jien interprets as ‘help yourself to seconds’ – so he does.

The conversation flows around him, most of it confusing, some of it sparking memories deep inside his mind and a very small part of it making perfect sense. Kougaiji and Lirin tease each other in the easy way of siblings who like and respect each other, Yaone and Kougaiji’s interactions are far more careful but still obviously familial and respectful, Lirin and Yaone are clearly quite close friends, almost seeming to be more than friends. 

The Bridge, when they get there, is still more confusing. The defensive and offensive display panels little more than pretty coloured lights to Jien’s untrained mind. He stares at them, dumbfounded, until Kougaiji’s voice says “Lieutenant Dokugakuji report.” Then it’s like his subconscious takes charge, his fingers flying over the panels with no input from his brain and his voice starts reeling off a very official sounding report. 

Jien feels like he’s going crazy. 

**Iota Sector, January 2413**

It’s been a month since Jien awoke lost and confused. He now knows that Rasetsunyo took his unconscious body and implanted the memories and thought patterns of Lieutenant Dokugakuji into him. It was a slow process over several years whilst his body was in cryo-sleep. His own thoughts and memories are still there of course, they never disappeared, but he has access to the other man’s memories as well. 

He can remember the day that Father brought home Gojyo, the way that Mother ranted and raved about it. He can remember just as clearly, the day that Empress Rasetsunyo brought tiny Kougaiji home, the day that Dokugakuji swore to protect that tiny bundle to his last dying breath. 

He can remember the horror of that first time that Mother touched him where she shouldn’t, telling him to be a man. He can remember the perfection of the moment when he met his wife for the first time, knowing that he loved her with every fibre of his being.

He can remember the sickening feeling of the knife sinking into Mother’s flesh, protecting young Gojyo forever. He can remember the helpless feeling of watching his wife fade away from some unknown disease, the comfort of having young Kougaiji by his side as he mourned.

He has memories of attending the Space Academy, of being top of his class, of working his way up the ranks until Empress Rasetsunyo requested his personal presence in the family wing as a bodyguard for her new son. He can remember dying in the service of his charge, and of waking up to find out that he was alive again, if not entire Youkai. He can remember becoming a machine, emotionless and soulless, but still remembering how it felt to be alive.

He can remember waking up in a body not his own.

He can remember waking up to find that his body was no longer purely his own.

For the most part, the two halves that make up his current whole agree on most subjects. Their views on the current Youkai-Centipede relations are in perfect sync, as are their thoughts about the latest weaponry advances. There is one subject however, that they disagree almost violently on. Kougaiji. 

The part that is mostly Jien finds Kougaiji to be incredibly attractive, everything about the man calls to him, the way he looks, the way he sounds, the way he smells, the way he always has to be right and the way that he can’t leave a task half-finished. The part that was Dokugakuji is appalled by this stream of thoughts, Kougaiji is like family to him, partly a son and partly a brother, always deserving of his affections but never an object of desire. 

**Iota Sector, February 2413**

There’s been another incursion and Kougaiji is worried. Dokugakuji may be alive again, but he is not the man that he used to be. The man who was born in that body, Jien, is more and more apparent with every passing day. Dokugakuji’s knowledge appears to be there, the man has no difficulties with the weapons systems or the coffee machine or any of the other tech that didn’t apparently exist on the world where he grew up, but Kougaiji can’t shake the feeling that in a combat situation something could go terribly wrong.

It certainly isn’t helping that he feels attracted to Dokugakuji’s new body. He keeps telling himself that it’s purely surface lust, that behind that new face is the same old Dokugakuji, but he knows that’s a lie. It gets harder with each passing day to speak normally to the man, especially when he keeps waking up with sticky sheets and a guilty feeling in his gut.

**Theta Sector, March 2413**

The day is finally here. Jien steps into his personal power suit and activates the impermeable seal. It hisses shut and the internal systems come to life. His memory is haunting him with images of enemy Centipedes, he can feel phantom pains where Dokugakuji clearly took some horrendous damage during previous engagements. It doesn’t make him feel either safe or secure. 

The soldiers surrounding him are obviously professionals and he feels like a fraud when they defer to him and his _superior knowledge_. Yaone sends him a brief message of support and he smile briefly. He only hopes that he doesn’t get anyone killed before he manages to force Dokugakuji’s memories of tactical manoeuvres to the surface. 

Captain Kougaiji gives the word and they move out.

** -- ** -- 

Yaone watches the vital signs of Dokugakuji’s suit from her position on the ship. Before her is the massed display of all the soldiers, but only Dokugakuji’s is spiking all over the place. She guesses that he is feeling unsure about his new body and sends him a reassuring message. His vitals calm down somewhat, then spike again, massively, when Kougaiji gives the word to move out.

This doesn’t feel like a good idea.

** -- ** -- 

Lirin reads the worried message from Yaone and bites her lip, hard. She cannot abandon her post and move to back up Dokugakuji, which Yaone well knows. She does do her best to keep him in her sights though, at least until the Centipedes show up, when even the best plans get blown to hell and back.

** -- ** -- 

Kougaiji feels incredibly guilty. He should have listened when his heart told him to keep Dokugakuji out of this. There’s no blood and no broken bones, but something in Dokugakuji is clearly wounded. He only killed one Centipede before whatever happened, happened. The rest of his team, clearly believing his problems to be suit based, swarmed around him and kept him safe whilst he stood there, deaf and dumb to their enquiries. 

** -- ** -- 

The Centipedes are dead. It makes Jien feel somewhat better. His heart rate is still elevated and his blood is pounding in his ears. There is so much blood. Puddles of it. Pools of it. Streams of it. Rivers of it. Oceans of it. His eyes see nothing but red. In his mind, Dokugakuji is screaming at him to move, to shoot, to kill, but he cannot bring himself to do it. The last time he killed someone, it was his mother, his mother who had an axe raised over her head to kill his little brother, his little brother who looked up at him with broken, scared, crying eyes and asked him how he could do such a thing, the little brother who walked out and left him behind.

His suit makes a funny sound and suddenly he is disconnected, standing in the suit but not controlling it. Chemicals are flooding into his bloodstream, calming him down, slowing his racing heart and his racing mind. He feels like he is floating, barely aware of his body. In his minds’ eye, he can visualise Dokugakuji standing there opposite him, dressed in full battle armour that drips with blood and gore, and he sinks to his knees and weeps.

**Theta Sector, April 2413**

Kougaiji sits beside Dokugakuji’s beside and holds his hand. His lieutenant hasn’t woken up since the battle, his vitals are good and his scans show that nothing is amiss, but the man won’t wake up. Maman hasn’t had anything to add either, nothing in her research indicates why this is happening or how to wake him up.

He strokes the fingers twined with his and stares at the handsome face lying slack jawed on the pillow before him. The lines of that face are not familiar, not in the way that the old Dokugakuji’s features were, but they are compelling. He takes his free hand and slowly draws his fingers from the tip of one pointed ear, down to the chiselled jaw bone and then along until he can rest his thumb against soft lips and feel the breaths going in and out, proving beyond doubt that the man is still alive.

He leans down and rests his head against the broad, naked, chest. The steady heartbeat is clear and loud beneath his ear and he breathes out a sigh of relief. He absolutely does not take advantage of the man’s unconscious state to steal a taste of his skin. That would be both unethical and unbecoming of a superior officer. 

** -- ** -- 

Jien feels something heavy on his chest and something soft on his face. He forces his eyes open and tries to focus on what’s directly in front of him. All he sees is red and his heart jumps in his chest at the spike of adrenaline that shoots through him. He recognises the red as Kougaiji’s hair when the other man lifts his head and meets his eyes with a soft smile of relief. 

“Kou.” He manages, his lips moving against what feels like a finger. Kougaiji is perched on the edge of the bed in what looks like Medical. He looks tired.

“Dokugakuji!” It was definitely fingers on his face, he feels them clearly as they slide away and his own fingers twitch in an attempt to get them to stay. That’s when he feels the hand entwined with his. He clutches at it desperately as it tries to slither away as well.

“Don’t go.” He rasps, his throat dry and aching. Kougaiji gets a sipper of water for him, holding it up to his face to allow him to drink. He does so in small mouthfuls, knowing that if he gulps it the way he wants to he will no doubt throw it all back up again.

“What happened?” He asks when he has drunk his fill.

“You tell me.” Kougaiji begins softly. “You were fine as we moved out but you froze after you killed the first Centipede and Yaone had to sedate you. Then you wouldn’t wake up.” It’s clear to Jien that Kougaiji is distressed by this and he squeezes the fingers wrapped around his own.

“So much blood.” Jien whispers. “There was so much blood everywhere.” He pauses as he forces the memories back down along with the bile in his throat. “It won’t happen again.” He says, trying to sound confident. Kougaiji squeezes his fingers.

“I know it won’t.” He says. ‘You’ve never lied to me before Dokugakuji, I know you’re not going to start now.” Jien knows that this is not true, he has Dokugakuji’s memories, and he knows for a fact that the other man lied again and again and again to protect his charge from hurt. He doesn’t say anything though. 

“Kougaiji?” He moves their joined hands onto his chest, above his heart. “I’m not the Dokugakuji that you knew, but I have his memories and he’s the kind of man that I want to be. Please call me Doku until I’m worthy to bear his name.”

**Iota Sector, October 2415**

Doku strides down the hallway, full of confidence and comfortable in his own skin. He has spent the last two years awake, training his body and his mind to become the man that he wants to be. His fellow officers have stayed awake with him, and he knows from Dokugakuji’s memories that this is unusual, that they have done this purely for his benefit. It makes him even more determined to evolve fully into Lieutenant Dokugakuji. 

** -- ** -- 

Kougaiji has trouble tearing his eyes away from Doku’s muscled body. His ship suit doesn’t hide anything and it seems, in fact, to highlight all of the rippling muscles. His own body feels small and delicate whenever he stands beside the other man, something that he knows to be incorrect seeing as he is generally taller and stronger than most of his spacers. 

He feels the tips of his ears burn when Yaone winks at him after he inhales a deep lungful of Doku’s musky, masculine scent. It is no secret to either of his sisters that he yearns for Doku, in a way that he never did for Dokugakuji. Yaone thinks that it’s cute and Lirin thinks it’s dumb, but neither one has given away his secret. 

** -- ** -- 

Yaone smiles as she watches Kougaiji and Doku interact. It’s clear to her that they’re both attracted to the other but the shadow of Dokugakuji stands between them. Lirin has suggested that they should just lock the two of them in a really small room and demand that they work things out, but Yaone vetoed the idea. She finds their lingering looks and subtle touches exciting in a strange kind of way, not titillating exactly – Kougaiji _is_ her adopted brother after all, but more thrilling that watching a romance holo. 

She catches Kougaiji breathing in Doku’s scent and winks at him. He blush is adorable, his ears red and quivering with embarrassment. He doesn’t back away though she notices and above his head she catches a glimpse of Doku staring down at him unabashedly, a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.

It’s time to act.

Stepping forwards, she opens her mouth as though to ask a question and deliberately trips over her own feet and stumbles directly into Kougaiji. She is much smaller than her commander, but her sudden, targeted, impact makes him stumble back with a grunt. Together they fetch up against Doku’s solid bulk, and his muscular arms come down to steady them. She apologises profusely, her words stumbling over themselves, and steps back quickly. She grasps Lirin’s hand firmly in her own and tugs her hastily down the hallway. When she glances back, she can see Kougaiji staring at her, still leaning back against Doku.

** -- ** -- 

Kougaiji watches as Yaone all but runs down the hallway with Lirin’s hand held firmly in her own. He is so confused by her unusual actions that it takes him a few long moments to realise that he is still leaning back against Doku’s comforting bulk. His Lieutenant feels unbelievably good against his back, warm and solid, and he is intimately aware of everywhere that they’re touching. Doku’s hand on his arm to steady him. Doku’s foot pressing against his own and a single firm thigh is mirrored against his own. His ass is cradled quite comfortably against Doku’s hip and he can feel warm breath gusting onto the tip of his ear. 

He tries to memorise every sensation. 

He has taken at least four deep and slow breaths before he realises the Doku hasn’t moved either. His breath hitches in his throat and the hand resting on his arm slowly slides up and down in a soothing motion. Breathing out and gathering his confidence, he tilts his head up to gently brush his lips against the chiselled jaw. The hand on his arm stops briefly for a moment, then continues; sliding from his shoulder down to his wrist. 

“Doku.” He breathes out as he twitches his hips to settle himself more fully in the other man’s embrace. He can feel something deliciously firm pressing against his ass and he wriggles against it, enjoying the way that Doku’s breath catches in his throat and his other hand comes to rest on Kougaiji’s hip. Soft lips mouth along his ear, nibbling gently and turning his spine to jelly. The hand on his hip moves slowly around until it’s gently cupping him. 

“You smell so good.” Doku whispers to him, his deft fingers stealing the words from Kougaiji’s mouth. Instead, he turns in Doku’s arms and presses their chests together, reaching up press their lips together. He wrap his arms around Doku’s neck, groaning as one hand wraps around his back and the other squeezes his ass gently. 

“We shouldn’t do this here.” Kougaiji finally manages to say, thrusting his hips forwards and wrenching a moan from Doku’s throat.

“My room is just down the hall.” Doku breathes into Kougaiji’s mouth. They both know this already, but giving voice to the words makes them both shiver with anticipation.

They part reluctantly, there is no one to catch them at this, the spacers are still in cryo-sleep and his sisters have hightailed it to some other part of the ship, but it feels wrong to be in such a public space. Tangling his fingers with Doku’s, Kougaiji sets off. 

** -- ** -- 

When the door to his room slides shut, Doku takes a moment to appreciate how lucky he is right now. Kougaiji is gorgeous; flushed with desire and with his erection tenting his ship suit obscenely. Doku wants to strip him out of the garment and taste him. 

“Let me.” He says, softly batting Kougaiji’s hands away from the suits’ fasteners. His fingers fumble in his eagerness and Kougaiji laughs at him, gently teasing. He succeeds in pushing the suit down to Kougaiji’s waist, running his hands wonderingly over the smooth skin. Dokugakuji has hundreds of memories of Kougaiji naked, but none of them are in this context or laced with these feelings. Leaning down he litters the prominent collarbones with little butterfly kisses before nibbling gently on each nipple. 

Strong fingers are running through his hair and tugging gently on his ears as he kisses his way down the muscled stomach. He kneels on the carpet before attempting to push the suit down further. He runs his hands up and down the firm bulge in front of his face before he leans in to kiss it through the fabric. Above him Kougaiji moans and thrusts his hips forward, probably harder than he meant to if his mumbled apologies are anything to go by. 

His groin throbs urgently as he pushes Kougaiji’s suit down his long, lean, legs. His fingers glide over the soft skin of his ankles and behind his knees before moving back up to caress his hips. He nuzzles into the coarse red hair, breathing deeply and darting his tongue out to steal a taste. The strong musky scent makes his mouth water and he moves to take the hard length into his mouth. He doesn’t have much experience doing this, but he _has_ been on the receiving end of uncountable blowjobs and he feels confident of his ability. He bobs his head and sucks gently, doing his best not to go too far down and risk choking himself, using his hands on Kougaiji’s hips to steady himself.

“Doku.” Kougaiji gasps above him, his fingers pressed firmly against Doku’s skull and his hips stuttering in half-aborted thrusts. Doku takes this as a good sign and redoubles his efforts. Kougaiji comes with a shout, shooting into Doku’s mouth, then onto his face as he pulls back gasping for breath. Shaking fingers wipe stickiness from above his eyes and Doku looks up as Kougaiji slides down the wall in a graceful collapse. 

“Let me.” Kougaiji begins as he starts to reach for the fastenings to Doku’s ship suit, but Doku takes his hand and pushes it firmly to his aching erection. It only takes a couple of thrusts against their combined hands before his orgasm tears through him, leaving him panting and sticky on the floor. 

**Iota Sector, November 2415**

Kougaiji pants against Doku’s knees as his lover slowly slides a second finger into him and scissors them apart. He feels terribly exposed, kneeling as he is over Doku’s lap with his ass in the air. One broad hand is squeezing his hip, the thumb stroking his buttock firmly, whilst the first two fingers of his other hand stretch him wide. He shivers as he thinks about what Doku can see, then groans as the fingers inside of him brush a bundle of extra-sensitive nerves. 

“I’m ready.” He says in a hoarse whisper sometime later, arching his back and raising his head. Doku thrusts his fingers in and out roughly a few more times before withdrawing them completely. Kougaiji whimpers at their absence. 

Sitting up slowly, he positions himself over Doku who guides him down with firm hands on his hips. The first nudge is breathtaking and the slow drag as he lowers himself is beyond thrilling. He prolongs the experience as long as he can by raising and lowering himself in increments. Finally though, he rests against Doku’s hips, the other man fully seated inside of him. He swivels his hips, just to feel the fullness, and Doku groans, his hands tightening on Kougaiji’s hips. 

“You feel so good.” Doku whispers in his ear and Kougaiji turns his head to capture his lips. The angle is awkward though, and Kougaiji really wants to be able to see Doku’s face. Raising himself up until Doku pops free, he turns around and repositions himself, rubbing his own erection shamelessly against Doku’s rippling abdominals. 

“That’s better.” He says as he slides his arms around Doku’s neck and kisses him deeply. Doku’s reply is nothing more than a rumble in his chest and rough thrust up that makes them both groan appreciatively.

Taking back control, Kougaiji raises and lowers himself over his lovers’ lap, governing the speed and depth of penetration and vastly enjoying himself. Being in charge makes him feel safe and powerful, and Doku clearly doesn’t mind if his incoherent moans and grunts are anything to go by. The hand wrapping itself loosely around his cock tells him that this isn’t going to be a long encounter and he speeds his movements up, chasing ecstasy. 

** -- ** -- 

They’re lying wrapped in each other’s arms, lax, sweaty and trying to catch their breath when the ship wide alarm sounds with ear-splitting volume. 

Centipedes have been sighted.

They scramble madly to clean up and get dressed, rushing to the Bridge for visuals and already bouncing possible scenarios off each other. It’s good news when they arrive, still out of breath, Lirin has all of the relevant data clearly displayed around the image of the Centipede space ship that’s just visible around a large asteroid. They all stare at the ship for a long moment before Kougaiji announces that the plan is simple – force their way on board and kill every Centipede that they come across. Doku can’t fault the plan, it’s beautiful in its simplicity and entirely workable. He leaves Kougaiji to contact HQ and goes to meet his men. 

He quickly briefs his squads as they come out of cryo-sleep, Kougaiji keeping up a steady stream of communication in his ear. They are ready to move out in less than three hours and Doku feels his stomach turning over nervously. Dokugakuji’s memories tell him that this is completely normal and that it’s when he doesn’t feel like this before a battle that he should start to worry. It doesn’t really help though and he wishes that he had thought to bring something to suck on. 

Their shuttle docks against the enemy ship with a dull thud that rattles them in their seats. They use a heavy duty, military grade laser to make themselves an access point before hefting their weapons and rushing into the dimly lit corridor. The Centipedes are waiting for them, fully armed and savage. The fight is surprisingly short and unsurprisingly bloody, and when it’s over there are dead spacers littering the decks amongst the dead instectoids. A costly victory, but a victory nonetheless. Doku feels a quiet anguish as he looks at the faces of their dead, remembering each and every one of them, but not haunted by their demise.

“Lieutenant Dokugakuji, report.” Kougaiji’s voice comes over his comm unit and his heavy heart soars at the name. He may not have been born to that name but the man he loves believes that he’s worthy of it. He has become Dokugakuji in truth, not just in memory.


End file.
